if you come back .......

yest went to nh for e lantern festival celebration thing.
went with mel meili joycelyn and chris x.
i had fun.
but hopefully didn bore them.
anw.e paper1 for both languages yest were rather tough.
okies.saw tt jerk at e lantern festival celebration last nite.
wanted to take photo of him to show kaixin and qimei.
but chris has got very lousy photography skills.
so no choice lor.
lol.

really wanna cry.so many things i could cry over.

didn gt to go to blue's concert.mayb i dun seem like a big fan of blue.but i noe no one wil understand how sad n disappointed i was for not being able to go to their concert.i noe i wil definitely regret.in fact.i m regretting le.

jay's concert coming up nx.sther going.of cos i wanna go.but how to afford e tickets.stil owe sther 15bucks some more.

parents quarrel.but wat can i do as a child?i dunno.and somehow i cant be bothered le.

i was e cause of e gap between chris and clement.wat to do?i destroyed a frenship.didn i?

a best fren taking me as a stranger.y is that so?am i really not worth a fren?perhaps.

y is it tt it seems like anything i do makes limin and tsu hui and shawn so pissed? i jz feel so.is dere sth wrong with my personality?

y is it tt my ouxiang sms me only when he's sian or sad. and now?he kicks me aside cos he has someone else to sms.mayb he didn wan to have nightmares?yes.he says i m his nightmare.was i too gd a counsellor tt he only turns to me when he needs a listening ear?

have i let shirleen down? she seems to have become a much unhappier person aft knowing me.so many things started cos of me.is dere anything i can do to salvage all these?

y does chris tell me to shut up whenever hl cries?is crying really tt powerful?if tt's e case.i'd rather b stubborn.cos i prefer to put up a strong front.and is watching tv more impt den talking to a fren?perhaps.if tt fren isnt a worthy one.

am i always leaving out mel?guess so.m i always not sparing a tot for her feelings whenever i talk bad abt her class?y m i always unable to b dere for a best fren yet she is always dere for me?

y is e conver between me n stheng getting lesser?m i always making things diff for her whenever i mentioned tt limin treats me coldly?m i being very selfish.guess so.

y is it tt almost everyone knows abt siti and her 'him' but i dun?i tot i'm her best fren?y do i noe so little abt her?

wat bad deeds have i done to offend hock chuan?y must he bad mouth me til like tt?y did he say i'm his gd fren in e first place?

was i considered nasty to lyn cos i kept complaining abt her best fren?have i tried putting myself in her shoes?dun think so ba.

am i engaging myself in guides?aint i slacking too much?cannot even tahan 10pumpings.y have i become so lousy?

y is it tt nowadays e only one who wil bother abt me in e class is huimin?she even offered to wait for me after calligraphy lesson.i cn only say i m grateful to her for being dere these couple of months.but is dere anything i cn do to express my gratitude?

y is it tt sometimes i find seniors better to talk to den my own frens of e same batch?i really appreciate kaixin meili chris lien joycelyn and qimei.

everyone is a hypocrite.everyone leads a contradicting life.even a perfectionist isnt perfect.so is it true tt no one shld go for perfection?

i m so full of qns.who can give me e ans to all of them?

exams. stressed. i hate my life.

happy bday wei sheng.sorry my dear ah bu.this yr nv give you prezzie again.feel so bad.gonna give you belated kies.heh=/ and yea.happy children's day to myself.stil a kid.and i wanna always be one.lol.

yest stayed back til very late to do homework.after tt went to makan roti prata with meili chris lien and joyce.last nite i so guai.studied for chinese test.first time studied so much for chinese.lol.

today.well.like wat swee said.weird atmosphere in 2c1.first.salih and i got e fren of singa merit award.i screamed for salih when his name was announced.as for me.it was crap.darn crap.my class was as shocked as i was.lol.bteng gt fren of singa of e yr.she definitely deserves tt.during ms toh's lesson.she gave us children's day prezzies.obviously we were taken aback.supposed to b happy tho.i was crying at my desk after recess.yuyuan had to coax me with sweets.lol.

aft sch.ah bu blanja me and stheng to kfc.saw tt guy.but too bad.i enjoyed my meal.aft tt went to west mall to study with chris.didn do much revision but at least did a lil.lol.

stressed.

on this very day.
miss toh gave us children's day prezzies.
yet we've always treated her so badly.
as expected.e class was taken aback.
we cheered.
actually we always noe tt ms toh is nice to us.yet we always bully her and talk bad abt her.
she may be crude at times.but she always dun really mean wat she says.
she obviously feels disappointed tt we dun respect her enough but she didn voice it out.
she always talks to some of us at e umbrella area when she sees us dere and den hopes to noe how we're getting on with life.
she always seems dao whenever she greets us in e morn but she's jz trying to show us tt she's strict and fierce so tt we wil b scared of her.
we all noe it's been hard on her to be our class parent cos we're getting outta hand by e days.
mayb we haven got a very gd impression of her in e first place.so we always didn realis tt she's actually very patient towards us le.
all we noe to do is to grumble and annoy her with our nonsense.
she changed our seats again and again cos she hopes we can socialise with e oth pple in e class and build up our class unity.
as for pple who always slp in class.perhaps she changed their seats in e hope tt they dun fall asleep so easily during lessons and cn focus.aft all.she does everything for our sake.
yet.we dun notice it and dun appreciate it.
we created so much trouble and she stil tries to be tolerant towards us.
we always complain tt we buey tahan her but exactly wat wrong has she done to us?
we jz didn try to look at e gd side of her.
we obviously took her for granted.
which cher doesn care for his or her students?
of cos she does care for us too.
if she doesn care for us.she wldnt be willing to chip in for stheng's bday and anand's farewell cake.wld she even bother if she was tt bad?
if she doesn bother abt us.she wldnt keep nagging at us to do our respective class duties.
y shld we ask for a perfect cher when we keep saying tt no one is perfect?
on e other hand.tho we appear to be so heck care abt nt getting those awards for last term.be it cleanest class award or best behaviour class award.we gt none.i blif some of us among e lot were disappointed.
we blamed it on ms toh.tho it wasn her fault at all.
jz tt we didn put in effort to maintain wat we used to have in e class.
we're jz slacking away.
perhaps we are numbed by e many blows we have received this yr.
it hasn been easy at all for us to come this far.
first.we met such a nice trainee cher like ms soh.
yet.she had to leave us when we started enjoying her lit lessons.
nx. e well liked gal in class.yiwen.
she left us when all along i tot she didn mean it tt she's leaving to study in USA.
wil e bonding stil be dere when she returns?
frankly speaking.i doubt so.
but i do miss her loads.
den.jz when we were enjoying life in 2c1.e most impt person of e class had to leave us.
this gotta be e biggest blow for us definitely.
wats more.she left us w/o prior notice.
if some of us hadn heard it from e netball gals.we might stil be kept in e dark til on e day tt she's nt ard anymore.
she said she didn bear to tell us cos e class is full of laughter everyday.
true enuf.e class does seem happy everyday.
but it wldnt always be tt way if she hadnt been ard to brighten up our days.
she's nt biased to anyone at all.
all we cn do now is to buck up and keep in touch with her.
e times we spent with her wil oso be remembered.
but too bad for us.
perhaps our miseries and parting scenes dun jz end here?
e funny person who started e new class motto "nice one na!" had to leave.
tt's apparently anand.
mayb nt all of us were close to him.but he's part of 2c1 aft all.
e class wldnt have so much laughter w/o him too.
finally.eoy exams nearing.
it's only in e recent days tt i realis i cnt bear to part with this class at all.yet i kept saying 'parting is a must in life.is jz a matter of time.'
but do we have a choice?
we wil definitely not b promoted as a class.
but i'm very very very glad to see tt we have all established this very special and strong bonding among every individual.
we have no choice whether to part.
and we definitely have to.
memories of our arguments,disagreements,tears,laughter,lame jokes,joy and awards tt 2c1o4 had won.wil all be kept in a special place of my brain and treasured forever.
all these lovely memories of 2c1.wil be kept.

copyrights_2c1_o4_r0x

had my dinner and shower.
oh well.
today's math and dnt sux like hell.
true tt i didn study too much for both sub.
but....my maths!!!
first time nv finish mann!!
kao.
gonna kana lectured by parents and tutor le.
wat to do?
is over le.
gotta work hard for oth papers lor.
tho is like i cn say 'hi' to sub science le.
lol.

aft tt.felt v pek cek.
but no choice la.
so gotta cheer up lor.
went to mac with yoke hwee aft tt.
got free fries to eat.gee.
den went to study with chris.
taught him chinese.
wa cn vomit blood mann.
his chinese sux!
lol.
but gt tuition fees de neh.
free burger.
lol.
but sat for 4hrs plus w/o standing at all.
muscles tearing mann.
oh well.
managed to absorb a lil for lit.
gotta burn midnight oil today le.
last nite slept too early le.
so didn do well for math and dnt.
lol. =/

shall go and study le.
hope tml's paper nt too tough.
*prays hard*
lol.

hmmm.jz came back.bad headache mann.

today had history paper.didn manage to finish last few qns.but is all over.dun wish to talk abt it le.

tml got math paper 1 and dnt.really dun feel like studying mann.have been studying for history for e past 2days.some more this morning woke up at 4plus to study.in e end? results surely stil as usual.lol.

aft history paper waited for meili.she taught me one math sum den went to makan at coffeeshop with her and joyce.joyce treated me to roti prata.lol.

den actually wanted to go je library study.but eventually didn.ended up studying with chris at mac.til 5plus.i more of talking cock only.lol.

okies.must quickly study le.really wanna catch up with my sleep mann.lol.

today's lit paper was okies.dunno cn gt at least a b3 nt.but quite confident cn pass.*prays hard* lol.

stayed in sch for a while to study sci aft tt. was talking to amirah at e umbrella area. we talked alot.really alot.and as i let out everything.i really felt like crying.i'm really very stressed.but i gotta be strong.frens of mine.nt all.but some.they turn to me when they need a listening ear.if even i myself CMI le.who cn they turn to?tho i aint their only fren.cos i always say "i'll be dere". dun wish to give empty promises.so i shall perservere.anw i have great frens who are dere for me.i have mel shirleen siti huimin meili joyce chris lien chris xie and lotsa more. and yea.2c1 too.my motivation.lol.

shall slp le.tml going out to study with meili and joyce.
Zzzzz...

got scolded yest for studying.lol.i dun care whether my mum believes me nt.anw i really went studying.i always tot family bond is built up on mutual trust.but now i doubt so.i dun understand y i m always nt trusted.m i nt trustworthy at all?

but anw.gotta thank meili and chris for their help in my science and concern as frens.esp chris.he's been doing a great job as a fren for e past few days.must treat him to hersheys one of these days.

no matter wat.i wil perservere.cos i'm e strongest gal on earth.tho like wat shirleen said.even e strongest person wil fall one day.i blif i wldnt fall so easily.

exams finally over.torturing days finally over.
today's chinese papaer wasn a very good for me.
but since is over. theres nth i cn do. heck le.
lol. =/

blur shawn.excited til forgot to bring home his water bottle.
so being e usual good natured me.
i brought it home lor.
gee.

went to jp with lyn jiemin and hl.
den jiemin bought her stuff le.we went to orchard with yoke hwee joining us.
was so bo liao.
gotta stand pple's attitude with an empty stomach.
haiz.i pity myself.
lol.

well.was pulling a long face.
didnt mean to.
but all thanks to chris lor.
lol.
and partly bcos was starving like mad.
lol.
met mel at ljs.
well.at least she made me smile.
think she's e only one in this world who has that ability mann.
fancy making me smile when i was so pissed le.
isnt she great?
tt's y i love her so much. =)
cos she nv fails to brighten up my days.

hmmm.finally gt to leave at 3plus.left with lyn and yoke hwee.
dead beat mann.
heh.

well.shall take a nap first.
Zzzzzz....

oh well.stil at yuyuan's com.
my com isnt working yet.heh.

hmmm.wil be back to sch tml.
getting back results.
gd luck to all.

gotta take a gd look at everyone in 2c1 while i cn.
2 more wks to spend with them.
wil miss all 2c1-ers.

siti: hey honey.seeing you tml.so excited mann.lol.take care hor.

sther: hey gal.rmb to heed my advice okies?must take more initiative.treasure all e times we cn have tog nw.nth else matters.take care anw.

stheng: hey laopo.haven heard frm you for quite some time.really missed you loads.gotta catch up with you soon yea?take care hor.

limin: hey daughter.lol.nice chatting with ya today.noe you're worried abt tml.dun worry.i wil give you my luck.do take care anw.

huimin: hey min.miss me rite?! haha.i knew it! lol.anw.dun b disappointed le la.tell ya sth when i gt back to sch.haha.really missed you lots.anw.take care hor.

swee: hey gal.thanks for hearing me out abt tt thing.i guess i wldnt give up yea?tho i have to.but i dun care le.anw.take care k.

mel: hey my mel mel.haha.really missed you alot.gotta catch up with ya very soon okies?we stil gotta go on our dates and go and eat tako balls de.and yea.gotta pull christopher to e toilet.wahahaha.anw.take care hor.

shirleen: hey gal.haven heard frm you recently.mayb cos of e things tt happened.it isnt your fault.is mine.so dun blame yourself.anw.hope things change for e btr in time to come.take care.

meili: hey my dear ex ps cum cl.hmmm.thanks for lending a helping hand in my revision for e past few days.really appreciated tt alot.pls do take care.

joycelyn: hey pl.missed you so much mann.gonna cya soon when we have our guides meetings.haha.take care hor.

chris lien: hey dear senior.haven really heard frm you for some time le.i feel like i have left you out.sorry.must go out one of these days okies?pls do drop me a sms or call me up if you need someone to talk to k.take care hor.

all sec4 seniors: farewell le and gd luck for your coming o's!! take care mann!! lol.

now all e 2c1-ers are in e lab.
including me oso la.
obviously.
okies i noe tt's lame.
lol.

hmmm.
nth btr to do when exams are over.
wats e pt mann?!
but no choice la.
haiz.
dunno wat i talking mann.

jz finished with e class calendar.
wat m i supposed to do with it when we part?
lol.

wil miss this class so muchie.
lol.

well.
shall stop crapping here.

siti: hey honey.y nt in sch today?pon uh!? or sick ne?haha.anw.btr drink lotsa water and take lotsa care okies?cya soon. =)

well.
using com at yuyuan hse again.
heh.

hmmm.
many things happened over e past few days.
i have gt a new gor nw.
elmo gor!!!
gee.
he noes who he is.
gee.

and oso.
me and him gt some misunderstanding.
but nth much le.
at least he trusts me nw.
and i'm contented.
tho i noe things wont go back to e past anymore.

went to e doc le.
he said i'm jz stressed out.
i m okies le.
hopefully things jz remain this way.

exams results.
oh well.
didn do well.
wat to do?
was posted to 2s.
but appealed to 2sp.
results wil be out nx friday.
hopefully cn approved.
i'm quite determined to gt it this time.
*prays hard*

didn 'go on date' with mel today.
lol.
she went out with her frens.
hai.
i miss her.
anw.
i m soooooooooooooo happy.
she cn study higher chinese with me nx yr le.
tt's a great news.

sec2 camp nearing.
i aint enthu or anxious abt it.
dun wanna go at all.
i hate camps.
so far.
only guides camp was fun.
oth den tt.
nth else.

last day of sch today.
thanks so much to ms toh for showing me concern.
really appreciated tt.
*waves gdbye to 2c1o4*
somehow is no pt thinking abt this class nw.
everyone is e same.

ernie is rite.
dun bother abt whether a fren likes you nt.
cos a fren isnt gonna stay with you for life.
i only noe.
mel is always out dere to support me.
oth den her.
sorry.
cnt think of anyone else.

i m disappointed.
yes i m.
mayb i shld have realized it long ago.
true tt my gestures werent appreciated at all.
everything tt i did.
pple jz think i m being extra.
yes i m.
and so.
since today is e last day.
i cn nv contribute to e class anymore.
happy?

everything tt i do cn nv satisfy e both of them.
a little comment tt i made is an offence to them.
mayb i shldn have written letter to them.
they dun deserve it.
a waste of my time.
gt a life pls.
you live your life like tt.
nt miserable de uh?

oh well.
shall stop my crap rite nw.
wanna go bang my head against e wall.


fucked up.

Now it's all that I can do
To see photographs of you
And stop myself from crying

hai.
nw wanna c those pics oso cnt le.
toopid com tio virus.
e pics are gone forever.
tts wat makes me wanna cry k.
idiot.

really dunno y.
dunno y pple who have nth btr to do jz cnt leave me alone.
so wat if i'm a hypocrite?
anw i always said i m.
cos everyone is.
everyone leads a contradicting life.
at least to me.
things are like tt.
anw.
pple who have nth btr to do cn go ahead cont to do those lame stuff.
i cnt be bothered anymore.

i dunno wat i m thinking.
my mind is in a whirl.
i dunno y.

......
feeling so speechless.
dunno wat to say.

wat e hell am i thinking?